My days are starting to brighten up after who knows how many moons. With my voting card in my hands, now I only need to get the enough money to get my passport. Getting a job still makes me uneasy (oh the joys of having a fucking little brother you need to take care of  in the afternoons!!!), but I feel that now I have a real reason to get it: visiting Brian. I could have gotten the voting card ages ago, but my anxiety got in the way. She's the only person who has demolished my mental defenses, and gods, I did gave her a hard time. I admit to still wanting to run away from her at times, but now I control myself and don't let that feeling interfere with my reason. She gives me hope, what else can I say. Another thing that has been making me glad is that now I have a friend with whom I can be myself in real life. He's the only real life friend I have added in my social network profiles. I could go to the trans clinic, (but then again is the question of what to do with "Tot". Inventing that I'm gonna go out with my friends every time I go in there would be a nice excuse, but the fear of being discovered would still gnaw at my mind); so I'll take care of that when I move to California. I feel very satisfied with the amount of progress I've made so far, and I'm gonna do more; but I just want to do one thing at a time since I don't want to feel pressured to succeed and have anxiety attacks. The only short term goals I have now is passing all of my subjects this time (and I'm gonna do it right).

And I believe this is worth mentioning: today I went to the 7/11 to buy cookies (yeah mom, I admit I spent the money you gave me in the wrong things =P), and I took out my keychain to grab some cash. I went out of the store forgetting completely the keychain (shitty things happen whenever you don't listen to your intuition, right?) and grabbed the bus. When I was in it I noticed that the keychain was gone, so I practically begged the bus driver to stop. I went out of the bus in a hurry, praying to whatever deity cared to hear that someone hadn't stole already my house keys. I thought "I'm gonna be dead if I lose them since that old hag of my mother will murder me for that", so I decided to hope for some good soul to have mercy of my misfortune by taking care of my keys until I arrived to pick them up. I usually don't do that, since I tend to expect the worst out of people; but I decided to make an exception this day to see what happened. When I arrived, I didn't saw my keys, so I asked the cashier if she had seen them, to which she replied that she had tried telling me that I was forgetting them, but that I was in such a hurry to get out of the store that I didn't listened to her. I grabbed the keys and thanked her for her kindness. You trully do find good people EVERYWHERE if you expect to find them. Same goes for shitheads.

I should daily, since I trully find interesting things that are worth writing about in here every day.

Today I did something I should have done a long time ago: spend time with my little brother. We spent the whole day at the request of our mother coloring books, playing chess, playing videogames and looking for cooking recipes on the net. I felt like "fuck this, it's Saturday and I'd much rather spend all day long sleeping"; but you know what? I'm glad she told me to do that, because I'm feeling I've done something productive with my life. There are gonna be more days like this (scheduled), so I can foresee a period of continuous improvement. I'm quite happy with my life because of this, and because I could talk to Panda today. I trully missed her.

According to a newspaper article I read two days ago, science has proved that god actually does exist. God obviously does not exist as the traditional magical space daddy figure, but as an idea that is formed in the brains of each and every one of us that changes through time. For the ancient peoples of the past, god was air, water, the sun, the moon, the stars, or any natural phenomenom that they observed. They didn't knew why did it rained, or why did the sun rose every morning, or why people died. So they created god to explain all those things. The concept of god evolved through the pass of the years as strong nations conquered  weaker ones and impossed their god or gods on them; process that reached the point when the major world religions created the concept of a personal god. This concept is not an static one, because humanity is always in a constant stage of change. Who knows in which god(s) we are gonna believe when we make contact with alien civilizations? Even if you are not religious or spiritual in any way, you still believe in a certain kind of god. For you god could be sex, love, nature, power, money; you name it. Any thing in which you believe the most automatically becomes your own personal god, because it has been proved countless times that we all need something to believe in. 

God is inexistant for plants and animals, because they lack a rational mind which is absolutely necessary for the creation of ideas.  Despite what I've mentioned before, god, in all of it's forms, is not eternal. Because each of us has an unique idea of what god is, that god we have created for ourselves dies with us when our final hour comes. And not even voodoo can resucite it (take that you jesus freaks :D!).