Tuesday, 27 October 2009

• Seems like everything is falling in order

  My days are starting to brighten up after who knows how many moons. With my voting card in my hands, now I only need to get the enough money to get my passport. Getting a job still makes me uneasy (oh the joys of having a fucking little brother you need to take care of  in the afternoons!!!), but I feel that now I have a real reason to get it: visiting Brian. I could have gotten the voting card ages ago, but my anxiety got in the way. She's the only person who has demolished my mental defenses, and gods, I did gave her a hard time. I admit to still wanting to run away from her at times, but now I control myself and don't let that feeling interfere with my reason. She gives me hope, what else can I say. Another thing that has been making me glad is that now I have a friend with whom I can be myself in real life. He's the only real life friend I have added in my social network profiles. I could go to the trans clinic, (but then again is the question of what to do with "Tot". Inventing that I'm gonna go out with my friends every time I go in there would be a nice excuse, but the fear of being discovered would still gnaw at my mind); so I'll take care of that when I move to California. I feel very satisfied with the amount of progress I've made so far, and I'm gonna do more; but I just want to do one thing at a time since I don't want to feel pressured to succeed and have anxiety attacks. The only short term goals I have now is passing all of my subjects this time (and I'm gonna do it right).

  And I believe this is worth mentioning: today I went to the 7/11 to buy cookies (yeah mom, I admit I spent the money you gave me in the wrong things =P), and I took out my keychain to grab some cash. I went out of the store forgetting completely the keychain (shitty things happen whenever you don't listen to your intuition, right?) and grabbed the bus. When I was in it I noticed that the keychain was gone, so I practically begged the bus driver to stop. I went out of the bus in a hurry, praying to whatever deity cared to hear that someone hadn't stole already my house keys. I thought "I'm gonna be dead if I lose them since that old hag of my mother will murder me for that", so I decided to hope for some good soul to have mercy of my misfortune by taking care of my keys until I arrived to pick them up. I usually don't do that, since I tend to expect the worst out of people; but I decided to make an exception this day to see what happened. When I arrived, I didn't saw my keys, so I asked the cashier if she had seen them, to which she replied that she had tried telling me that I was forgetting them, but that I was in such a hurry to get out of the store that I didn't listened to her. I grabbed the keys and thanked her for her kindness. You trully do find good people EVERYWHERE if you expect to find them. Same goes for shitheads.

  I should daily, since I trully find interesting things that are worth writing about in here every day.

  • 11:28 PM
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