Wednesday, 01 July 2009
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Not again....
Right now my fear of sabotaging things has come back with a vengeance, together with those shitty self-defeating thoughts of that I don´t deserve a better life. I´m still angry with myself for being unable to move to Finland because of this, but right now I just realize that it just wasn´t meant to be. I barely speak finnish, and finding someone with whom I could stay until I got a place of my own would be like pulling teeth.
If you are afraid of sabotaging your own happiness, believe me, you will. Don´t let your shitty past drag you down. Your brain is already used to pain and harsh words, not love or care, and it wants things to stay the same; so it resists change. But things DO and WILL change, sometimes the hand of fate must be forced.
My fear of the unknown keeps me from trying many things, and I realized that because of that I haven´t trully lived until now. Loving Brian has been a life changing experience in and of itself. Loving someone like him requires A SHITLOAD of courage, since he is so unique, unusual and so different from everyone else. I´m glad my fears are going away thanks to him; I don´t know where I would be if it wasn´t for him. I just feel so grateful for having him in my life "sighs".
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Comments (5)
Self-fulfilling prophecies for the lose!
Finland! *thinks of awesome scandinavian music*. If the time does become right, take the chance! I decided to stop letting my fear stop me, and most of the time I use my experience abroad as support, ie: "If I could do that, I can do anything". Sometimes you need something big to set a precedent. It's hard to change, but it can definitely be done.
Beware the self-fulfilling prophecy.
RYC: Xanga truly is an amazing place. I'm glad you could be a part of it!
@Schristian - I get what you mean, if you are too afraid of being hurt; then you won´t live.
Thanks, you´re a really nice guy, even if a lot of people think the opposite hehe ;).